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How To Win Friends & The Power of The Mind

Colin's weekly advice on making friends, the power of the mind, raising children, and more. Tune in now!

About the show: The Better Human Podcast is a show dedicated to the pursuit of Building Better Humans. Hosted by Colin Stuckert, Entrepreneur, Thinker, and Better Human Builder. We are obsessed with finding ways to become better. We are PRO HUMAN and celebrate the collective human experience. We bring on human guests to teach, share, and learn.

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TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] It is your responsibility tocontrol how you respond to everything. It is your responsibility to control thethoughts that will open your mind. It's your responsibility to deal with anypast trauma or anything like that. If it's causing stress and or suffering inthe moment, it is your responsibility.

[00:00:29] this video is the weeklynewsletter. I'm trying to coincide this podcast video with the newsletter, butthis came out. Yesterday. And I'm recording this on Sunday. The holidays threwa wrench in things, but let's get into this newsletter and you can get itover@betterhumansthatsubstack.com. They'll also be a link below.

[00:00:45] I'm going to skim through someof these, read some of it verbatim, go through each section. Talk about it.We're going to aim for 15 minutes or so. I recommend getting on the newsletterlist at the same place, better humans dot sub stack.com. All right. So this isthe 2020 [00:01:00] December 16, 26, actually the last newsletter of the year.

[00:01:03] Imagine that. Fill a human I'vebeen reading how to win friends and influence people. And it's blowing my mind.I read it 10 years ago. The difference and impact it's having on my brain isprofound. This is reaffirming. The idea that I need to focus on rereading thebest books of all time, rather than focusing on the vanity metric of new booksread.

[00:01:20] And I. Fall into that vanitymetric. I like to hit a hundred bucks a year. I like to read a lot of newbooks, whatever. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that,but I need to also add in rereading the best books into that. So if I want toread a hundred books in a year, I should really be rereading like the top 20 to50 books of all time.

[00:01:37] And then maybe save the other 50books for the new books that come out. All right. I heard from a friendrecently that was talking about this book that I'd recommend did to her and thefriend said something to the effect that well. How to win friends and influencepeople's common sense. Everybody does.

[00:01:54] It knows it, whatever. And soshe asked him if he read the book, of course he didn't. [00:02:00] The betterquestion is how many people, if they have read the book, implement the ideas,how many people listen more than they talk? How many people make it about theother person? Not themselves. In my experience, from what I've seen, very fewpeople do this.

[00:02:17] And the ones that do do it. Youjust do it on accident because that's naturally who they are more people, or Ishould say most people criticize more than they praise. This is my problem. Idon't praise enough and I tend to criticize more and I'm actually flipping thisentire script with my family and my business and my employees.

[00:02:37] When it comes to employees is areally big one. I like as an entrepreneur, you're focused on fixing things andyou tend to get into that entrepreneurial fixed mindset. So you're like, okay,what's the problem with the tackles, get done, whatever. And sometimes it cancome off as criticism. And sometimes it is criticism because people makemistakes.

[00:02:53] So I need to praise morecriticize as little as possible or not at all. And the [00:03:00] realenlightenment with this is to only praise. Right to only have positive reinforcementand completely eliminate criticism from your vocabulary. I'm not there yet, butI'm working on it. So this is a book that you should read every single quarter,or at least once a year for the rest of your life.

[00:03:20] It's that fricking important anda quote from it. There is one all important law of human conduct. If we obeythat law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, the law, if obeyedwill bring us countless friends and constant happiness, But the very instant webreak the law. We shall get into endless trouble.

[00:03:41] The laws, this always make theother person feel important and that's from how to win friends and influencepeople. All right. The next section of the newsletter is something I improvethis week mindset allergy season. I've been getting a case of Cedar fever everyyear in Texas. Since I moved here, I didn't know what it was.

[00:03:58] I moved here and then it[00:04:00] happened. And then I was like, Oh wow. I wish somebody would havetold me that. It's the Cedar trees. They put off pollen or whatever it is, andit goes in the air and it flies all around Texas. Cause Cedar has overtaken,Texas. I've had an allergic reaction every year. It's gotten a little bitworse, but you know, even about two years ago, three years ago that it wasreally, really brutal.

[00:04:18] Put me out for a while. Lastyear was pretty brutal. And I went to the eye doctor. I went to the allergist,I went to other places. Uh, my problem was I kept rubbing my eye and I made itworse. I literally rubbed my eye to the point where I had this major allergicreaction. And my eye was like bulging red.

[00:04:32] That's how bad it was. And Iwent to the eye doctor and he's like, Oh yeah, this is just allergies. And hegave me some drops. What I've learned from this is when these things would comeon. And I feel like it's made my interaction with sickness and fatigue, muchworse because I become hyper sensitive to when my body's and feeling great.

[00:04:52] What I noticed though, is Ilatch onto those feelings and I obsess over them and I make them worse throughmy mind this year. [00:05:00] What I decided is enough is enough. My allergies.Aren't going to get to me F my allergies, the second, my IHS. I moved tosomething else in a second, I feel like I'm tired or this, or I'm that I movedsomething else.

[00:05:14] And then I use positiveaffirmations, incantations, breath, meditation, you know, Tony Robbins stuff,Joe Dispenza stuff, all these different practices of the mind and body andvisualizing and being grateful for things that haven't happened yet. The stuffI've been getting into anyways. Right. Which has been very fortunate.

[00:05:34] That happened right before theholidays. I've been able to recognize this and it's amazing this morning and itseems like every morning when I'm in the middle of Cedar, Season the morningsare hard because you wake up and you're trying to gauge whether your allergiesare like really feeling and like, how are you going to feel today?

[00:05:53] And again, the more I obsessivethis over this, and I wake up this way, the harder it is to get out of it. Andit [00:06:00] seems like every morning is the most brutal to get through. Andthen when I get through it, I do my morning, uh, focus and my gratitude and myvisualizations and this new Tony, not new, but this old Tony Robins routinethat I used to do that I'm now doing again, it's called like power hour orsomething like that, or 15 minutes of fulfillment when want to get throughthat.

[00:06:19] And about 30, 45 minutes afterwaking up, maybe about an hour after waking up, I then feel good. And then fromthere, it's upward. Right. As long as I can get through that morning and Idon't let my mind obsess or go into too much into my body and too much focus onlike how I don't feel great if I don't do that, I almost always take it in theright direction.

[00:06:41] Your mind. Is more powerful thanyou can ever fathom. It's actually the most complex thing that we've ever foundin the universe. And we don't even know how it works. Scientists still have noidea what really consciousness is, how it was formed or how to replicate it.And that's a lot of the reason why general AI, like we're not even, we're,[00:07:00] we're no closer to general AI than we were 20 or 30 years ago.

[00:07:02] Right. And so all theseTerminator like taken over the world, fear based. Futures. I mean candefinitely happen, but it doesn't seem like it's gonna happen anytime soon,unless there's some crazy breakthrough that happens. It's something I enjoyedthis week. Seeing the joy on my son's face, opening up his Lego Duplo set andus building it together.

[00:07:22] As a kid, you grow up. Christmasis about gifts for yourself. As an adult, you realize that the holidays aresupposed to be about gratitude and about giving. And so what we're asking to dowith my son is every year he's going to have to give a gift to someone else andhe's going to have to make it with his own hands and we're gonna help them dothat or help them think about ideas and then actually make the thing.

[00:07:40] And then he's going to give itto someone or multiple people. We want to ingrain in his head, the joy ofgiving. And really, really kind of highlight that and put a big emphasis onthat moment. When someone opens something that's from us, that we thought aboutthat we gave them and the joy that they get.

[00:07:56] I want him to grow up with thatappreciation rather than the [00:08:00] gifts for me. How big, how many, howmuch does it cost, et cetera, that toxic American manufactured mindset of moreis better. I don't want him to grow up with that. He won't grow with that.Something, I've been thinking about how to improve online education, which inits current state tends to reward self-motivated learners.

[00:08:15] This is why most online coursesfail. Most people. There are a sea of options, yet little accountability,direction and method. My next venture, the better human school is going to befocused on solving the online education model. So more people can changethemselves and lead better lives. As a result. This is very much in the earlystages.

[00:08:32] You'll be hearing more about iton the channel. It's I'm very excited about it. There's a lot ahead. No, themodel, how I'm going to do it, I'm going to raise money. Am I going to have abig team? I'm going to do small, you know what the MPV is or MVP, minimumviable product is getting feedback from people like yourself that get in thereearly.

[00:08:48] There's a lot of differentthings that are still in the works. But what I've been doing is I've beendiving deep into a lot of the online models. I've been taking a Harvard classonline. I think it's edX. You can take them for free. I [00:09:00] am mineValley. I've been looking into optimized at me. I've been looking into kind ofgetting an idea for how they do things and are they gamifying?

[00:09:07] The different learning methodsis are, and what I've been finding is most of the online model is based on youwatch a video, you listen to somebody, talk to you, and then you take like avery short, not very robust quiz. And then that's it. It's very passive andthere's no skin in the game. There's no direction.

[00:09:23] At least with college, you spenda lot of money and you really want that certificate because that's going togive you cache in the job market. Like, so I'm trying to figure out how can Itake the best ideas from college, the best ideas from gamification andaddictive technology, right? Or something like Duolingo, which is languagelearning app, which I love, how can I take these ideas and translate it intoeducation so that I can focus on the big ideas of how to think, how to live.

[00:09:48] The best ideas that mankind hascome up with thus far help people make actual change in their life becausethat's what I figured out is the most important thing. I give out nutritionadvice all the time I've been [00:10:00] doing it for years. I'm kind ofgetting over it to be honest, because it's like, what 5% maybe of the peoplethat watch the video are going to do anything with that information.

[00:10:09] And then even less a percent aregoing to stick with that forever and really, truly change your life. That's notokay with me at all. It's like 5% of, uh, courses online get completed andprobably even smaller percent of people actually take results with thatinformation. This is probably true for almost all education, but at least withsomething like college and traditional schooling, there are certain incentivesin place and certain skin in the game in place to where people are forced to docertain things that get them outside their comfort zone that really getlearning happening.

[00:10:40] And you know, whether thattranslates to real life or not is again a big. Big part of the, uh, thequestion that I want to really help solve. And so I have a lot of differentideas for this. It might just end up being a course that I've become obsessedwith myself and that I focus on delivering and it, and refining.

[00:10:56] It might be something that Igrow into a bigger company. Uh, it might be something that I [00:11:00] maybewe can figure out like what that new hybrid online model is, and then licenseit to other places like maybe Harvard or other schools that want to take theircore curriculum and put it online, but want it to be more than just a.

[00:11:12] Watch videos and like answertests, quizzes, whatever. Yeah. So always welcome to feedback and advice andideas, uh, things look into, or if he knows I should watch or books, I shouldread anything that is around, uh, habit, change around behavior change, um, youknow, thought patterns. I'm just really diving deep, but it's all very muchbased on the brain and how we think if we can change how we think, if I canhelp somebody change how they think, then they can do anything.

[00:11:39] I can give them a one page, howto be healthy, how to eat healthy, whatever, and they'll do it. Right. Butsomebody that has negative thought patterns, uh, limiting beliefs, stories, andall these different things about themselves, they can get all the, how toinformation on the planet doesn't mean anything. In fact, that's really whatthe default of the internet is.

[00:11:56] It's all the how to informationyou could ever want. [00:12:00] And then a small percentage of people takingadvantage of that information. Think about that a second. Isn't that insane?And that's why I've been saying for years, the 1% are always going to be the1%. The internet has just made the 1% get results.

[00:12:12] 10,000 times faster. Whereas the99% are going to the internet watching videos and like playing games and justdoing things that are not really working towards anything, or they're gettingdistracted or they're getting pulled in a thousand directions, et cetera,something worth knowing to better human knowledge hub, public spreadsheet.

[00:12:28] I just started building thisPolk spreadsheet full of my favorite resources. I'm going to keep expanding.It's gonna be amazing. It's got quotes, got articles, have videos, got books.She's read. It's going to be amazing. It's public open access so you can getthere and you can view it. And if you have a CA or a, if you want to addsomething to it that you believe belongs there, that is an evergreen piece ofcontent that people should want to find in 10 years, 20 years, a hundred years,then you should leave me a comment or send me an email.

[00:12:52] So bookmark it now and watch itgrow. A big idea. Your mind is the root of everything. [00:13:00] This isinteresting. Have you thought about how your mind is the root of everything inyour life? Now with this topic, I'm not gonna read this verbatim most peopleand I've fallen victim to this early in my life. Most of us, for whateverreason, society hasn't highlighted education has failed us.

[00:13:15] Whatever most of us don'trecognize the importance. Of taking responsibility for every thought feeling oremotion that runs through our brain, because we don't take control of thisbecause nobody really told us that it's our fault, our responsibility tocontrol how we respond to the world. Most people live lives as thorough set ofquiet desperation because they're operating under this model to which theirexternal environment, the things that are outside of themselves.

[00:13:49] Is what they're seeking tosatisfy the internal. Now I don't want to go onto a long philosophical rabbithole on this topic. I've been talking about it before. I'll talk about itagain, things [00:14:00] that well up in your mind, things you dream aboutthings that you respond to. So if you respond to somebody cutting you off, mostof you listening will think, Oh, well, they did that.

[00:14:11] I should be angry or whatever.That's a FOD model. The better question is. Why would you let a stranger towhat you will never see for the rest of your life? Who doesn't matter? Whywould you let him or her have any effect whatsoever on your mental state, onyour ? It makes no sense. Why would you let this plate that fell and broke thatyou can now no longer go back in time to prevent it's broken.

[00:14:36] It's done and you're staring atit and now you're getting upset about it. How does that add up? It makes nosense. And on and on and on, you can go. And what you see is quite literallyalmost everything in modern human life that causes stress, that causes peopleto quite literally eventually do things like commit suicide or cheat, or dothese crazy things that they end up regretting is the results [00:15:00] oftrying to satisfy the internal with the external and in some way or another lettingthe external, too much have something to do with the internal and connecting ittoo much.

[00:15:11] When you connect the internal tothe external and you make them in some way, partners are connected at the hipor whatever. And my opinion, it's the definition of insanity, right? Becausethe universe, the only constant in the universe has changed. Everything ischanging. Everything is in flux. Everything will pass.

[00:15:25] Nothing's permanent. You'retaking that crazy random. Huge for lack of a better word, number ofpossibilities, and the fact that it's changing all the time, and then you'remaking that the core of what makes you happy your content or this or that. Whata flawed model, like very few have ever considered this or thought about this.

[00:15:47] I mean, even when I verbalizeit, I think to myself, like, why did I have to figure this out on my own? Whydid I have to come to this on my own? Why didn't nobody. Talk about this, noteacher, I mean, some books I've read have kind of [00:16:00] alluded to it orwhatever, but there's not even a full treatment in the literature on this orwhatever.

[00:16:04] There's usually just anyways,it's crazy. It is your responsibility to control how you respond to everything.It is your responsibility to control the thoughts that will open your mind.It's your responsibility to deal with any past trauma or anything like that. Ifit's causing stress and or suffering in the moment, it is your responsibility.

[00:16:21] Nobody else's. And that's goingto be end of the show. We have two podcasts here that you should watch. TwoYouTube videos. We have product feature, which the, my work and, you know, thenewsletter is sponsored by. You could say it's sponsored by wild foods. Mycompany came out with a wild, multi, real food, whole food source.

[00:16:39] Look into that. The elderberrycaps was vitamin C and zinc. I've been taking multiple day to help me with theallergies. And then there's a few links here to my favorite beef, some freeSkillshare courses with access links, where I buy my gold, et cetera. And yeah,that's going to be it. So again, go to better humans@subsect.com to get this,you can listen to the full audio of this, if you want to, [00:17:00] if youwant to listen instead of watching, and that's going to be on iTunes, Spotify,Google play all the places.

[00:17:07] And as always, if there'sanything you want me to cover or questions or anything like that, you can sendme an email calling it wild foods, dot co, and I hope you'll. Take away anugget from today's show, uh, and think about it and it will then, you know,you'll plant a seed in that you'll water that, and that will grow intosomething and you'll become a better human as a result.

[00:17:25] That's what I'm interested in.All right. So better humans dot sub stack.com to get the newsletter. And Iappreciate if you leave a comment. Yeah. And you liked the video because thisis going to be on YouTube. And you know, like I said, I'm not playing the algogame, but if we can do anything to help it.

[00:17:46] New year's coming up. Don't makegoals, make process. We'll talk about that. And probably the next video I post,

[00:18:01] [00:18:00] please alwaysremember that the members of the ancestral mind podcast are not in fact medicalprofessionals. They're not doctors, they're not nutritionists. They are simply.Providing this entertainment for you to do your own research and to entertainyourselves. So please consult a physician before changing your diet.

[00:18:21] Not everything works for everybodyand make sure you always do your own research on everything you hear on thisshow and outside.